Tang Grrrl's

2002-01-08T11:29:00.000-08:00

That's where I am now...if anyone here even cares.

2002-01-08T11:28:00.000-08:00

www.livejournal.com

username autumnofnewbury

2001-10-31T13:54:00.000-08:00

I am posting some lyrics, from my fav Peter Murphy song!!

This is I'll Fall With Your Knife

To the crowd
To the world
You were so dry
And with the token bird I made
Send it to fly right to your side
With the broken wing you sailed
Oh like winter in July
A barren river wide
I'll pray for the flood
To wash on you
It's here I'll be with you

Well if the birds can reach the sky
To this land I'll be with you
'Til the sun bursts from your side
With my hands I reach to you
When you think your chance is passing by
When you blow your moon away
I'll bleed like the reed
Fall with your knife
It's here I'll be with you

I'll fall

This is Rooks and my song, and I cannot think of anything but him when I hear it. It's on Peter Murphy's Wild Birds cd *if you don't own it, buy it*

Tang

2001-10-30T22:00:00.000-08:00

I am off, to Chico, to go and party!!! Somethings are cool about my old hometown, one of those things is Halloween!

I will scan some pics, of me, Rooks, and the beehive!

Tang

2001-10-29T12:17:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I did it, I shut my mouth, stopped talking about it and I did it. I fired off an e-mail to Bill, and what's going to happen? Absolutely nothing. That's okay though, I have given up on Bill's ability to say something similar in return, like, "I am sorry I cheated on you" or even, "I am sorry about the way things went." See this is what is wrong with the world. When we no longer want to writhe and twist on the knife we created, there is simply no one who wants to let us off.

This is what I find interesting about breaking up, when there is no one left to go home to in your life, you feel kinda hollow, at first. Then the feeling of "I can date anyone I want" sets in. This is where most people do something stupid, and Bill got his new and current girlfriend, a week after I had been sleeping in his bed. This is where I could simply not find someone to settle down with, so maintained good friendships with the beaus I was considering, ie Rooks...and the Venezuelan man...Then you get comfortable again. This is where I started dating Rooks, and Bill's relationship began to deteriorate.

So how are people supposed to handle being dumped? Is it possible to just smile and walk away? I don't think so! It has to be gut wrenching, the divying up of one's stuff is truly symbolic to what has just happened, you are not going to see this person again for a long long while. What do yo do if you don't get your stuff back? You call, try to act nonchalant, and ask for it back. When you get off the phone, you feel so upset you sit down, cry a little, and call someone. If you're stupid like me, you tell that person how you feel, even though you don't know if that's how you feel anymore, but you don't want to change it. Even if it was wrong to begin with. Then, in the case of Bill, that person can't handle what you have to say. They get angry, you get angry, viola, grudges are now formed.

So maybe I should send Bill a link. Maybe he will know what I am trying to say...probably not. The chances of this angering Bill are highly probable. Bill doesn't seem to get the concept of closure. I just want to take the knife out of my side for once and for all. Rooks deserves it.

Tang

2001-10-27T22:40:00.000-07:00

Tonight I say goodbye to a fond memory of times past. After a lot of thinking, I finally closed a chapter in my life that needed closing. I said sorry to someone I used to love, and I feel more nostalgic now than I have in quite sometime.

Isn't it weird to say goodbye to someone who's body you knew, who you knew what would make them smile, laugh, cry?

Then later, you wonder, what was I thinking? Ignoring the times you spent, and the way it used to make you feel. Then you meet someone else, and in rapture, you forget what you left behind, and they in-turn, forget you.

So now, another chapter of my life closes, while the one that is open strengthens. It's funny how it works that way.

Maybe that's what life is about, loving and then learning, then learning and then loving.

Tang

2001-10-27T18:19:00.000-07:00

I am feeling like a shadow of myself, and I wonder where I am going, while walking down the one-way road in the wrong direction, and feeling lost despite the urge to go home.

2001-10-26T16:53:00.000-07:00

Has any girl ever imagined being stalked by another girl? I didn't, not until I met Maz. Maz is a sweet girl, but wierd, and eerie. That's putting it nicely!

2001-10-16T12:00:00.000-07:00

Okay, I am feeling much more light-hearted this week! What's that you ask? A light-hearted goth? Well here it is, a new cameo from Tangy the PerkyGoth!!!!

So what is a "PerkyGoth" you might ask? Well, it's a goth, who can dress goth, and look goth, without having to mourn about the cancerous sun eating out their heart.

How do I become a "PerkyGoth"? Well, all you have to do is have a short-attention span, and do whatever you like. PerkyGoths smile. They joke. They do whatever feels good to them at any givein moment.

Hence, today, as my first day as a "PerkyGoth" I am wearing grey. All grey. To celebrate grey, not black. Does that mean that I should have gotten a grey cat, not a black cat? Should I have left my walls white, instead of painting them black, and wishing I could now make them grey? Does this mean that I have to DEVOTE MY LIFE TO A NEW COLOR? Change my entire closet to fit my passion for grey...after years of perfecting the "black" look?

If you and your family want to learn more about PerkyGoths, you can check out these great books...er...websites to get more information:

http://www.odk.com/wilson/goth/manifesto.html

New Topic: Rooks' Birthday is Thursday!!! No nude pics please! That's for me to do! Well, I don't know what to get him yet, I have an idea, but it seems a little too much, and I want to make sure things are perfect.

I am going now, the buzzer is going crazy.

Tang

2001-10-13T00:47:00.000-07:00

Hello My Little Pretties!!!

It is a strange weird world, and I am afraid to open the mail. I guess it would be kinda cool to tell your grandchildren, "Yeah back in 2002 I caught Anthrax, they thought I wasn't going to make it, but shew, nothing could hold me back..."

It's twelve something right now, I should be in bed, but Rooks doesn't know how to share, and by sharing I mean mattress space, blankets, maybe even a little pillow if I am lucky. I mean, we have six pillows on our bed. Why don't I ever end up with one of them?

So I was trying to describe Sac Town to one of my friends who wants to come and visit here from San Jose. I think I summed it up with the words "at least Sacramento has something pretty to look at, despite all the vagrants." See, Rooks and I live in Mid Town, the trendy, hip, and damn expensive area of Sacramento. Located quite close to Mid Town, is Downtown. There is nothing but little crappy weird stores, restaurants that I have never seen anyone eat out of, and in the outskirts of the heart of downtown, all the state buildings, a mall, and my workplace. One time, while feeling a little romantic and frisky, in Old Town, Rooks and I began a make out session by the river. We assumed we were alone, and suddenly in the middle of this someone was tapping my shoulder. It was a bum, he wanted to know if we had money or cigarettes to spare!!! How ballsy was that! To interrupt two people trying to have an intimate moment, and not only that, this guy came OUT OF THE SHADOWS to bother us. He seriously could have gotten maced, if it had been someone else....

I am going to bed now, I see some opprotunity for a little corner of the blankets!!

Tang

2001-10-08T13:12:00.000-07:00

ANTHRAX!! ANTHRAX!!

Hmm. I don't know what to say about what's happening in the world now, except that violence begat violence, for years. Isn't it time to stop it? I feel suddenly ashamed to be a human, where we cannot rise above the ability to threaten someone's life, kill innocent, or even worse, be the judge and executioner. Where did we get so large for ourselves, where we thought, "I see wrong, I am going to kill it." The current mentality frightens me, look at history, when you have two powers fighting for something so powerful and righteous to them, it is never an easy conflict. Especially when it comes to religion. Never challenge the moral convictions of a person. I don't know how to be funny right now (if I ever really am) because constantly I know and think "what we do today will drastically alter the face of history as we know it." As a 19 going on 20 year old, never in my lifetime (where I was considered a adult legally, and a voting citizen mind you) has something like this happened. It may be uncomparable to anything that has ever happened in history as well, but my callow youth will be shed in an era of conflict and disaster.

So with that I am going to go. I don't know why I am a political science major anymore. I don't think it's a very nice thing to focus on for the rest of my life, I drive down the street with a sighting of at least ten American flags in three or four blocks, and I don't know what to think anymore. They say that the patriotism of an indavidual is dependent on how patriotic your parents are, and even more so, what year/era you're born in. With the good times, children are raised more patriotic, and with the bad, more cynical about the government and the way things work. I wonder what will be of the children recently born, or the children to come.

So once more "REMOVE THE CAUSE, NOT THE SYMPTOM"

Tang

2001-10-01T14:48:00.000-07:00

Last night I had dreams I was made of Honey Nut Cheerios and people were trying to eat me....

2001-09-30T15:52:00.000-07:00

Okay, so it isn't really much later than I thought it was but I am going forward with the post.

Today I had bloody fantasies while at work, wanting to kill a co-worker. She called me a bitch and a liar, I wanted to tell her that she was calling a nineteen year old a liar and a bitch, I mean how pathetic of a forty year old does that make her look? Servers can be pains in the asses. Next time you have a server who pisses you off, just tell them that you have a pretty good idea how old they actually are, that'll shut 'em up.

We finally got with the tides, Rooks and I, so after the cable modem, we got a scanner. I don't know how to use it yet, but after a tutorial, I am going to show you all pictures from the Gothic Reality. You'll see me, wearing jeans and a T-shirt like anyone else, maybe with the mall in the background.

So now that the oxygen is back into my brain and my pulse isn't going rampant over my shitty day at work, I can think of better things to post about.....well. I bought fake hair!!! I bought a wig, to make my hair longer, a 300 lb. Phillipino woman with short hair isn't anything to be attracted to, so I changed it to long hair!!

Enough for now
Tang

2001-09-30T15:42:00.000-07:00

So sorry not to post lately, there have been some technical errors, on the part of blogger that have prevented me from spewing my Communist tripe.

Okay, so maybe all I talk about is gossip. Hmm.Where can I plagerize some Communist tripe, and would I then be a "Blog of Note?"

So WAC has been getting a lot of steam!!! We are going to do it! We can say no to DRUGS! What the hell was I going to say about that....well shit, I think I lost it.

You know, I haven't even been off work for an hour, I think I need to try again later,
Tang

2001-09-28T15:59:00.000-07:00

Hello?

2001-09-14T12:20:00.000-07:00

I AM NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT THE WORLD TRADE CENTER OR THE PENTAGON!!!!!!!!!! I figure you all are getting enough of that from your families, friends, co-workers, and the television, radio, and so forth.

My mind was trapped in a mental tangent today about subtitles, I decided to try a few out for the site.

WWW.TANGGRRL.BLOGSPOT.COM:
ALTER EGO RUN WILD!

Tanggrrl: The Story of a B Movie Powerpuff Girl

Tanggrrl: Got milk?--this is a future ad campaign of mine, it will feature me when I was ten dressed up like Dr. Frankenfurter, and then me at the age of Twenty, dressed up like....Dr. Frankenfurter(it will have a subtitle of it's own, it will be "Some Things Never go out of Fashion")

Tanggrrl: The story of a poor college student with no good job aspects, a crummy philosophy major, a struggling garage band musician, greasy haired wench, with a freak for a boyfriend.......Okay, so this is starting to get a tid bit negative....

Lastly, inspired by my Hotmail Inbox, Tanggrrl: Hot, sweaty, unusually sweet, and ready in minutes.

A FOLLOW UP ON THE WHOLE ANONYMOUS FRIENDS E-MAIL:

I would like to say that the devoted following is filled with cheaters. They all caught me on yahoo or hotmail, or even AOL instant messenger, and told me what their votes are. Unanimously, they all chose the mean way to do it, send a link. I did, and I recently recieved the e-mail messege of "this is Nikki." Do I know a Nikki? Isn't Nikki a trashy trash trash name? Is this someone who robbed me of my heterosexual nature at a party while I drank myself nearly to death? Is this someone who I knew in the past who was close to me? Is this someone who I used to talk to on a daily basis? Is this someone who I had one of my shitty ex-boyfriends cheat on me with who gave me a flaky laugh and said sorry?-oh wait, that's Whisty and Balta*

Okay so who is Nikki? And what is "Nikki" doing in my hotmail in-box? Dear god, you freaks don't even have that addy(no offense). And here is the answer. She's someone who I used to go to school with, way back in the dark-ages I refer to as H.S. I don't remember what this person looks like, or even if they signed my yearbook....I guess I will have to do some investigating!!!

*all names are always changed, I mean really, do you really think I know a girl named "Leather?"

Love Tang

2001-09-10T15:12:00.000-07:00

Last night was a MESS!!!!! You should never hit on anyone's ex-significant other, or something.

WAC is gaining steam, as I munch on dried pasta, and I am going to be the HEAD HOO-HA!!! The leader of them all, the strongest and most addicted carbohydrates addict. My plan for world dominance is going along without a hitch!!!!

So finally maintenece came by, and since they were here, I made them fix like ten other things here. I mean this poor guy was here for over an hour. Everything seems to be working well though. Nothing has broken today! I awoke to the sounds of birds chirping outside my window, er, I mean construction. More specifically, I awoke to the sound of those damn truck beep things, the ones that beep when they back up, well it seems to me three of those suckers were going off at once, and low and behold, another day off that I haven't managed to sleep.

I went to somethingawful.com. Dear word. I don't know where that man goes to find his material, but my GOD! His most current were pictures of fat women(future members of WAC) naked, and one of these charming toothless gals had the words "Where do you want to fuck me" etched on her belly! I thought I was going to die. Not to mention the fact that she had some exotic piercing hanging down, way down.

Uhhh. Enough of that.

ON A DIFFERENT NOTE: As a follow-up to my LAMBDA zine tantrum, I picked up another local zine for the LAMBDA community. Let me say this, it was about rodeos and the title of the column was "LUST IN THE DUST" nuff said.

Shew. I don't really have too much useless bable to spew today. I guess that will improve today, Rooks and I are going to go see the folks on his side. Rooks' father once announced he was "well hung." I am sure that should give me some material.

Love Tang

2001-09-04T15:09:00.000-07:00

So with the threat of Chicken Fried Steak looming, I am hiding in the corner. Chicken Fried Steak is what caused the largest fight I have ever had with Rooks, this will be the test! We argued for a hour over a pan of Chicken Fried Steak, until I cried like a baby, alone in the room, while he went "out to get some air."

I have decided to form a Carbohydrates Addict Support group. It's going to be called WAC. Women Againts Carbohydrates. The first member, unfortunately, is a man. Damn!

My nephew (Yes! Tang is an Aunt!) is so damn cute. I watched him trying to scratch Rooks' eyes out, and I realized it was a KODAC MOMENT!

Now that everything is calm, and the place is clean, and since Rooks isn't here, I got myself a real man!! He's a stripper, who dances around in the corner of my computer screen moaning "big boy" to me.....oh wait...well, he does say "touch me" a lot....

So I am off to class, but I will be back with something of substance I am sure, but then again...

Tang

2001-08-30T13:06:00.000-07:00

Hello my little pretties.....

WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF TANG LAND!!!

I have something frightening to tell you!

I was reading my e-mails casually, surfing the inbox, when what should appear but a email from Morry. Morry is someone who I used to chat with frequently, who scared me off and I decided that I wasn't too interested in anything he said. Imagine a stooped out man in a wife-beater talking to a trash can, and you will know Morry. Anywho Morry just wanted to write to tell me that he's moving cross-country to my town here in Cali!!!

Now for arguements sake, I know that this could just be a mere coincidence. That's until I read further....

He wants to know my address so he can come and visit. Oh yes, as well as what district of my city I am currently in!! EEP! He might as well ask me to send him my dirty underwear under the full moon! There is no way this guy is going to get my addy.

So then I remember this thing from Fugly.com. Basically, using the yellow pages, an email address, and some other types of info given from the victim, these people were able to tell some random young lady that they were her parents due to the fact that they new the address, phone number, birthdate, and whatnot.

Now I am running to the nearest Radio Shack for caller ID hook-ups. But don't worry, Gabriel the Gothic Cat and Rooks will protect me!

So now I have to go, my homework is calling.

Tang

2001-08-29T13:50:00.000-07:00

Has anyone(this is directed to the devoted following of, what, ten?) gone to www.daign.com?

It is so fun!!! Basically this little bastard who reminds me of myself writes reviews on webcams, and he says the honest to god truth. If you have 3 teenagers in front of a webcam in their bras, he asks "where are these girls mothers?" He calls it like he sees it, and not a lot of people seem to like him due to the fact that he does call a person here or there a goth slut, or a porn star in the making, or even white trash. Common. If these groups of people didn't exist, we wouldn't have names for them. Am I right? Common, tell me I am right!

So Rooks is a bum. He got a week off of work to move, and our place looks like crap! I have been working to try to get the shit together, maybe someday there will be a semblence of order.

If you won't forgive me for the Goth comments, realize that I claim this group. I know I probably offended some, but if you can't laugh at it, you take yourself too seriously. Imagine, Goth is a group that is MARKETED too. What is not to laugh about that?

The website is up for review. USELESS BABLE! that's all it is! NOT FUNNY! i never claimed to be funny. BORING! sometimes life is....

Anywho, I got an e mail request from someone who reads the site and doesn't know me. This person wants to see a picture. Hmm. Does how I look really matter? I think I will clear the air right now! I am a 300lb Phillipino woman, and proud.

I AM A CARBOHYDRATES ADDICT!!!!!!!!! I have started reading that carbohydrates addict book, and I am thinking we all are. Here's how you qualify:

Q:Do you like breads and pastas?
A:Who doesn't?

Q:Do you enjoy eating a lot?
A:But of course!!!!

Q:Do you have uncontrollable cravings?
A:Don't we all? Maybe not food, but....

So how warped am I? I grew up thinking Prince was the sexiest thing to grace the earth!! I am a CARBOHYDRATES addict, for godsakes! I don't know what to do with myself! I think I am headed towards the bread basket....

Tang

2001-08-29T13:19:00.000-07:00

Please, I beg of you, don't listen to me!!!

2001-08-29T13:17:00.000-07:00

So now I know I will never be on the "BLOGS OF NOTE" list! I have said too many controversial things.

I have started to think about creating a "my company exposed" site. All the dirty things that my company does posted for the world to see. Especially since we are supposed to be the "best company to work for."

I think it would look something like www.earthlinksucks.net. It shows all the shitty things E-Link has done to it's constituents.

So I went into a Politics chat room, and I was instantly pinned against the cyber room wall with comments from die-hard Conservatives, and I was thinking to myself, "MACHINE HEAD." Let's think outside of the box people.

So I wanted to create a archetype of a Gothic conversation. I think it would go as follows:

note that GOTH A is male, and GOTH B is female

GOTH A: Hello sister(this is a Pagan reference)

GOTH B: Hello brother. How black is your soul today?

GOTH A: Well I was listening to some more Bauhaus, so it is as black as the soul of Satan, who is my lover. What's occured in your semi-realistic black existance this week?

GOTH B: I went outside, into the sunshine today, and it burned! I guess this is a sign from the Horned One that I no longer need the life giver Sun, I am so much death that I am doomed to live in darkness. How's you're partner in this eternal hell?*

GOTH A: She isn't feeling well, she was consuming the blood of black cats on Friday (this ironically is Friday the 13th, which for a goth, is every Friday) and she said she felt her eternal soul starting to beat again. She asked me to execute her in homade black gallows, however I couldn't fit the rope around her neck, with all that black lace.

GOTH B: The Horned One willing, she will be out of her pain and suffering soon.

*Partner in this Eternal Hell=Significant Other

And so forth.

That's enough for this mental tangent. Hey! Tang-ent. Tang. Tang-ent. Tang.

Tang

2001-08-25T00:21:00.000-07:00

Well here is where it stands. There is no way, currently to access the closet due to the couch, which won't fit into the front room due to small walkways. I think that was a run on sentence. Well, anywho, not only that, the bed is too big and needs some work as well as the already problematic blinds, stove, bathroom, and so forth. It is not better than it sounds, let me assure you.

So this has been the test, I think. How far can I be pushed till I want Rooks to die? Well, I think pretty damn far, because even though this is NOT working out like we thought it would, we simply take some time off to sit in the park and hold hands. Thank God for the little things.

So I picked up a copy of a local LAMBDA newspaper and I was appalled. The things you'd think it would cover, such as community issues and discrimination, and whatnot. Well, it was all about SEX. I mean SEX. Can I say it again? SEX. The problem was that over half the magazine was devoted to sex and advertisements for sexual stimulation. Does this mean to say that the LAMBDA community is over concerned with SEX? I know many a gay person, and that is simply not true. I think it is time for people to stop and think about what represents them!

Tang

2001-08-21T16:47:00.000-07:00

One more thing!

Gabriel the Gothic Cat is going to make a cameo appearance soon!! Isn't that awesome!

2001-08-21T16:45:00.000-07:00

Okay so I am a bitch for not keeping the site updated! But, I have an excuse. It's due to my moving. How about that!

So anywho. We had a party a week back, and I got tired of having screaming 18 year old girls at my place(uninvited guests) so I decided my partying days are done.

Went down to the American River to chill today, and what should happen but a screaming couple joins us. From the noise these two emmited, I could tell you about the past 6 months of their relationship. Consider article A:

Article A
He says she cheated on him not once, not twice but three times. She claims to have been "not together" with him while those three mishaps ocurred.

Article B
*I believe that this is why the fight began* He spent the night in some woman's bed who HIS woman thought to be a whore. He said it didn't matter, he didn't "hold" her. They simply slept in the same bed.

Article C
He showed up with $100, supposedly from his Visa. Is he possibly whorring himself out? And if so, why isn't she getting 1/2 the profit? She says that it's drugs again. He says he would throw the money away if it meant that much to her. I say "give it to me!" If it's dirty, I am sure that I could clean it somehow.

Article D
CPS was at her house....hmmm. Is this a suprise? I hope to hell those two don't have kids. But knowing people in general, if you're involved in drugs and a bad crowd, that automatically makes you twenty times more fertile than any other woman.

Enough of that. I am having good times. My friend is home!! I have waited for ages for this. I guess things haven't changed that much for us. My day off is almost finished, and I am going to have to go back to work and be serious. Sigh.

Tang